In the process of making a resume? Wasting time on the Internet when you should be looking for a job? Unable to support your family in your present situation? Well maybe this will take your mind off of how much of an unreliable jerk your are.
Name: person mcpersonson
Number:7 (because, like, always gets this in fortune cookies)
Email: snailmail@gmail.com
Education:
On da streetz
hippie-school-where-they-dont-actually-teach-anything school
Phoenix university
Accomplishments
Once saw a blimp
Spotted it out himself and everything
Kept track of it until it was out of sight
Once out of sight, only cried a little bit
Got tongue stuck in dog leash clip
Exhibited problem solving skills by trying every thing he could think of to get it off before asking for help
Used teamwork to prevent himself from running away when his mother tried to help him
Learned from experience, has only put the leash back in his mouth like, 4 times since the incident
Snorted water up his nose
After incident was over, wondered philosophically about what might have compelled him to do so
Made advancements in medical science by discovering that you can, in fact, get a cold from trying to breath liquid
Added to English dictionary
Kenga,
noun,
the act of rirfasing, to fitsahyer
see hisoniose, disauwqer
Activities
Person enjoys poking himself in the eye with a large stick to prove to his mother it does not hurt. He is an avid viewer of Fox News, because he feels the reporters there see the world in the same way he does. He also likes to have tea with chipmunks and upon their request, start fires on his neighbors property. He also enjoys spending time with the other neighborhood kids, who call him playfully by his nick name, F!#?ing 'tard.
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