Headlines we don't want to see

Does this one even need explaining?

1. Pope Kanye West III put on fast track to sainthood

2. Walmart plans to sell proton colliders 

3. Oil found directly underneath Mecca 

4. Canada continues nuclear stand off with US

5. Kevin bacon to star in Cars 3 

6. Progress in the German/Ethiopian border crises 

7. Kim Jong Un given reality t.v. Show

8. Britain declares war on eggplant 

9. Alec Baldwin slight favorite for upcoming brawl with Charlie sheen

10. "YOLO" predicted to no longer be a "thing" by the year 2750 

And finally one we do want to see.....

11. Justin Beiber banished to Siberia!

Who will be our next president?

Below are the following people who may one any be the president of the United States. Sorry in advance Cris Cristy.

1. Elizabeth warren
Wether she likes it or not

2. That crack head kid guy from vine
YAAAAASSSSSS!

3. Me
Beacause I have a slightly funny blog with a handful of readers, around half of whom have probabably have voting rights in the United States.

4. A turtle
Or is that mich McConnell?

5. the person with the funniest t-shirt
Did I say might be president? Beacause the guy with the ironic graphic tee is definitely going to be president one day!

6. Cats
They've already started an aggressive campaign using social media.

Who did we forget? Do you want to campaign as a write in candidate? Let us know in the comments!

Coprehensive reviews for children's shows

1. Dog with a blog
Needs to focus more on a dog writing a damn blog, damn it!

2. Any Disney show made since 2003
A delightfully humorous and original story about a family that seems normal on the outside, but with one difference. The [insert-common-last-name-for-white-Americans here] have a [insert-small-and-harmless-yet-unrealistically-dull-detail here]!

3. Austin and ally
A story of a super famous pop star that only six-year-olds you frequently whatch his show know about.

4. Aurthur
I hear its like breaking bad, exept for four year olds.

5. WildCrats
Artfully done and- wait a minute, this is educational!?!? What is the meaning of this!?!?!? We need to stand up and ban the non-adventurey part of this show!!!!! Not that we care. We're adults who, um, don't care about the plot of a show marketed to four year olds.