Got a horrible idea for a website? Well, there's an app for that. But like, not actually. With an app or without, here are some of our very best ideas for the very worst websites.
Insestry.com so you can tell exactly where things went wrong.
Racebook for geeky white guys/girls who desperately want at least one black friend
Stumblr where you can buy discount prosthetics. No refunds.
Gaypal essentially the same thing as racebook, except for rednecks who want to be friends with one o' dem' homer-sexuals
kol.com koalas online. Offers a decent product, but koalas on computers just cant compete in this modern era
Willslist same thing as Craig's list, but only for some creep named will.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Thursday, June 19, 2014
why this country has failed considerably
Anthony Weiner is in it.
Seth MacFarlane, one of the premier figures in the show biz could not find a more creative name for his sitcom than "Family Guy"
The vice president can barely remember the presidents name, never mind remember how to actually be a vice president.
About half of our population looks at Miley Cyrus and thinks,"good for her!"
That same half of the population believes the safest way to rid us of our worldly problems is to just "nuke" the place
"The whopper" isn't just a thing, its food.
The most popular and successful restaurant, christened Madonalds, has caused more deaths than the smallpox epidemic.
The most revered and respected individuals in the juvenile society are people named "Snoop Dawg and 2Chainz."
And on that subject, snoop dawg felt it was absolutely necessary to change his whole persona to "snoop lion"
We are fat.
Seth MacFarlane, one of the premier figures in the show biz could not find a more creative name for his sitcom than "Family Guy"
The vice president can barely remember the presidents name, never mind remember how to actually be a vice president.
About half of our population looks at Miley Cyrus and thinks,"good for her!"
That same half of the population believes the safest way to rid us of our worldly problems is to just "nuke" the place
"The whopper" isn't just a thing, its food.
The most popular and successful restaurant, christened Madonalds, has caused more deaths than the smallpox epidemic.
The most revered and respected individuals in the juvenile society are people named "Snoop Dawg and 2Chainz."
And on that subject, snoop dawg felt it was absolutely necessary to change his whole persona to "snoop lion"
We are fat.
Puggle's Inspiring Story
So, after being invited to half comedian's close comedy blog, your probably thinking, great. Some guy who calls himself Puggle the inchworm is here, and hes gonna sabotage what was a decent website. But its not what you think; we are going to sabotage it together.
I was invited by Half Comedian after all, because of my amazing story. Life back at the farm was hard. My master, who I deeply admire, was always deep in work, feeding the other animals and so on. I was by far his favorite. was there a romantic relationship between us? I cant deny it, but he had to leave his wife, and let me tell you, it wasn't because of Caren the cow. well, in any event, one day, our tractor broke down, and smoke fumed out of it. the mechanic disapproved of our relationship, and I was not surprised when he got some car oil in his eyes when the tractor started smoldering.
Luckily, I've always done some basic aerobics, and I was perfectly in shape to twist my body around the key, and stop the tractor from moving. My master was saved, suffering minor burns and nothing more.
A note from The half comedian: I decided that this blog needed some fresh blood. I got a lot of resumes, but settled on the talking inch worm. well, he sounds like a creep, but maybe he will be funny? who am I kidding, this blog was never really "funny" In the first place. I would call it more "Avant garde" or "flatulent"
I was invited by Half Comedian after all, because of my amazing story. Life back at the farm was hard. My master, who I deeply admire, was always deep in work, feeding the other animals and so on. I was by far his favorite. was there a romantic relationship between us? I cant deny it, but he had to leave his wife, and let me tell you, it wasn't because of Caren the cow. well, in any event, one day, our tractor broke down, and smoke fumed out of it. the mechanic disapproved of our relationship, and I was not surprised when he got some car oil in his eyes when the tractor started smoldering.
Luckily, I've always done some basic aerobics, and I was perfectly in shape to twist my body around the key, and stop the tractor from moving. My master was saved, suffering minor burns and nothing more.
A note from The half comedian: I decided that this blog needed some fresh blood. I got a lot of resumes, but settled on the talking inch worm. well, he sounds like a creep, but maybe he will be funny? who am I kidding, this blog was never really "funny" In the first place. I would call it more "Avant garde" or "flatulent"
Monday, June 16, 2014
A resume
In the process of making a resume? Wasting time on the Internet when you should be looking for a job? Unable to support your family in your present situation? Well maybe this will take your mind off of how much of an unreliable jerk your are.
Name: person mcpersonson
Number:7 (because, like, always gets this in fortune cookies)
Email: snailmail@gmail.com
Education:
On da streetz
hippie-school-where-they-dont-actually-teach-anything school
Phoenix university
Accomplishments
Once saw a blimp
Spotted it out himself and everything
Kept track of it until it was out of sight
Once out of sight, only cried a little bit
Got tongue stuck in dog leash clip
Exhibited problem solving skills by trying every thing he could think of to get it off before asking for help
Used teamwork to prevent himself from running away when his mother tried to help him
Learned from experience, has only put the leash back in his mouth like, 4 times since the incident
Snorted water up his nose
After incident was over, wondered philosophically about what might have compelled him to do so
Made advancements in medical science by discovering that you can, in fact, get a cold from trying to breath liquid
Added to English dictionary
Kenga,
noun,
the act of rirfasing, to fitsahyer
see hisoniose, disauwqer
Activities
Person enjoys poking himself in the eye with a large stick to prove to his mother it does not hurt. He is an avid viewer of Fox News, because he feels the reporters there see the world in the same way he does. He also likes to have tea with chipmunks and upon their request, start fires on his neighbors property. He also enjoys spending time with the other neighborhood kids, who call him playfully by his nick name, F!#?ing 'tard.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Things you will never hear
Introducing a new segment called "Things you'll never hear". This week, from Hulk hogan! Enjoy, I guess.
"Our trip to Sicily was Fabulous!" Or for that matter, "fabulous!"
"No, I'm never going to dye my hair. Are you crazy!?" Or, assuming he is not a hypocrite, "Are you crazy!?!"
"I'll need to think about that"
"The problem with America is...."
"But what I really like about her is her personality"
"Oh, sorry, I'm busy that day. I have my meeting with the Dali lama." Or for that matter, "Oh, sorry"
"Acai berries"
"If I regret anything in my life, its...."
"You know where's nice? France. I think I'll move there and start a vinyard"
"What do you mean in not heavy enough to go on this ride!?!"
"Please, show some class guys"
If there's one thing I hate, it's...
A)steroid users
B)fake sports
C)the corruption of the church
"If only there weren't so many good for nothing rednecks terrorizing the US economy!"
*no offense hulk
"Our trip to Sicily was Fabulous!" Or for that matter, "fabulous!"
"No, I'm never going to dye my hair. Are you crazy!?" Or, assuming he is not a hypocrite, "Are you crazy!?!"
"I'll need to think about that"
"The problem with America is...."
"But what I really like about her is her personality"
"Oh, sorry, I'm busy that day. I have my meeting with the Dali lama." Or for that matter, "Oh, sorry"
"Acai berries"
"If I regret anything in my life, its...."
"You know where's nice? France. I think I'll move there and start a vinyard"
"What do you mean in not heavy enough to go on this ride!?!"
"Please, show some class guys"
If there's one thing I hate, it's...
A)steroid users
B)fake sports
C)the corruption of the church
"If only there weren't so many good for nothing rednecks terrorizing the US economy!"
*no offense hulk
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Some obituaries
What's funnier than literary buffs? Death of course! This is like 1000 ways to die, exept instead of 1000, there are two, for now.
Daniel Jacobs, 51
Daniel has been fighting MS for five years now. When he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer six months ago, his family nearly gave up hope. But not Daniel. He finally made it to the top of the list for a liver donation, and swore never to drink again. The seemingly deadly heart attack turned out to be less than doctors thought. And through painful months of chemo therapy, away went the cancer. On his way out of the hospital, our hero did not see a long narrow starway, and was crushed by his wheelchair. Donations may be made to The Wheelchair ramp Awareness fund.
Craig Wilson, 42
Craig was often thought of as the clutz of Jonson & Jonson accounting firm. But when he scored the winning touchdown during the flag football game at the office family picknick, his whole team celebrated! Alas, coworker David Barnes, in attempt to give Craig an encouraging pat on the back, pushed down the newfound star in the hieght of his glory, causing him to snap his neck. Barnes is being charged with manslaughter.
Daniel Jacobs, 51
Daniel has been fighting MS for five years now. When he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer six months ago, his family nearly gave up hope. But not Daniel. He finally made it to the top of the list for a liver donation, and swore never to drink again. The seemingly deadly heart attack turned out to be less than doctors thought. And through painful months of chemo therapy, away went the cancer. On his way out of the hospital, our hero did not see a long narrow starway, and was crushed by his wheelchair. Donations may be made to The Wheelchair ramp Awareness fund.
Craig Wilson, 42
Craig was often thought of as the clutz of Jonson & Jonson accounting firm. But when he scored the winning touchdown during the flag football game at the office family picknick, his whole team celebrated! Alas, coworker David Barnes, in attempt to give Craig an encouraging pat on the back, pushed down the newfound star in the hieght of his glory, causing him to snap his neck. Barnes is being charged with manslaughter.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
A very interesting post
There are many people out in the world today, taking in information and transforming it into original opinions. When a vast majority of these people see something one way, it is labeled fact. These biases create the world we live in. Recently, some members of my circle of acquaintances brought a point to the front of my mind. They believed that there was no way that I, using the blog that you read today, could write a full length post without ever getting to a definable point. I, in my rebellious nature, quickly took the opposite side of this debate. While they believed that every post needed a purpose, and not just fancy sounding words strung together with very important sounding a broad anecdotes, I realized that I could, in fact, use intellectual sounding word choose to prove to the hoards that they were reading something concrete. This all reminds me of a friend won worked for life magazine, and was assigned to travel to North Korea to photogph the poverty there. Anyway, like many dreamers of my time, I set out to prove the opposition wrong. I studied slightly related statistics. I reminisced about childhood adventures to serve as cheap metphors, and I did everything in my power to keep a story from developing past the setup. Ideally, after sitting down to read this post to impress smarter people, the common person would switch to flappy bird around now, and anyone smarter would realize that this story would never progress. Now, it will suddenly be the end, and you will feel like you missed an important detail beacause you feel extremely lost.
Keep reading for analysis by Daniel Hoyt
Keep reading for analysis by Daniel Hoyt
Questions I want answered 1
Media tells me that comedic things have running segments. Here goes nothing!
Whats with Buddhas eating disorder? Didn't he say he was going to starve for his people or go on a diet or something?
What is it that makes plumbers, cable guys, and electricians think that they are the absolute unquestionable rulers of the universe? You try telling your boss or professor or teacher that you will arrive between 8:00 and 2:00 tomorrow.
Pat from SNL turned out to be a girl!?!?
Why on earth would chihuahua be hairless?! They live in Mexico, and they still shiver.
Who is reading this right now? More specifically, is a monkey reading this right now? I like monkeys.
Why do I have the egotistical need for strangers to read my thoughts and comments?
Who is, you know, that guy from community?
Is Seth mcfarlene an identity thief? Whatch out Matt Groening. It all adds up if you think about it.
Why are you still reading? This segment is over!
Whats with Buddhas eating disorder? Didn't he say he was going to starve for his people or go on a diet or something?
What is it that makes plumbers, cable guys, and electricians think that they are the absolute unquestionable rulers of the universe? You try telling your boss or professor or teacher that you will arrive between 8:00 and 2:00 tomorrow.
Pat from SNL turned out to be a girl!?!?
Why on earth would chihuahua be hairless?! They live in Mexico, and they still shiver.
Who is reading this right now? More specifically, is a monkey reading this right now? I like monkeys.
Why do I have the egotistical need for strangers to read my thoughts and comments?
Who is, you know, that guy from community?
Is Seth mcfarlene an identity thief? Whatch out Matt Groening. It all adds up if you think about it.
Why are you still reading? This segment is over!
First post
Um, hi.
Wait, did I just start the first post of my blog with the word "um"?! Maybe this whole "blog" thing isn't for me. Well, I'm not so great with introductions, so, uh, what's up with you? What do I think I'm doing, this is a blog, you can't answer that. I need to chill. Breath. Get to my happy place. Hit it Corey!
I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can
Wait, did I just start the first post of my blog with the word "um"?! Maybe this whole "blog" thing isn't for me. Well, I'm not so great with introductions, so, uh, what's up with you? What do I think I'm doing, this is a blog, you can't answer that. I need to chill. Breath. Get to my happy place. Hit it Corey!
I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can
Watch you weave then breathe your story lines
And I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can
Keep track of visions in my eyes
Wow, never realized how little those lyrics make sense. Well, I'm not liking this attention, so maybe I should stop letting you watch me weave then breathe my story lines. That sounded REALLY wierd when I repeated it to myself in my head. That makes me think of that song in a whole new way. Well, this couldn't go much worse. If I'm reciting Corey Hart lyrics one minute in, imagine what I will be doing in three weeks. Can we just all agree that Corey Hart sucks? Good. We are now one step closer to world peace. This has been an overall sucsessful blog post. Ah, who am I kidding? Anything with Sunglasses at Night lyrics is unsucsessful. No offense Corey Hart, lots of people made mistakes in the eighties.
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